For some unknown reasons, I wish to share a full recap of what I have been through for one of the most memorable year of my life..
Well you might wanna take a deep breath..or maybe get some snacks ready by your side (maybe a box of tissue too?) ..cause this will be one hell of a very very very looooong entry.. (macamlah ada orang nak baca entry nih...hahaha) .. but then..I will only share the best that I can remember...my brain has been quite damaged recently.. huhu
I was wondering where should I start from..but I guess everything starts at the beginning kan?
so here goes...
I start taking Tae Kwon Do classes on the 8th..wow..starting a martial arts class at 27 years old? haha..its never too late to learn I tell you..and to date..Tae Kwon Do is one of the best things in my life.. :) oh..did I mention my trainer is my best friend? she is Ruhil Farhana.
I started flirting with my best friend's brother...don't ask me why..the feeling just came when I first heard his full name..Azhan Kamil Falah.. at the mention of his name..there's a feeling that my heart was 'hugged'..(boleh ke rasa camni??) well it's the best way I can describe it..Ruhil plak macam ok je..macam la...hahah..selamba je lah kot ehh? He was my trainer too back then..selamba je ngorat cikgu sendiri..haihh
Him : Morning sayang
Me : Euww apa syg2 nih..menggegar hati tau
Him : Nape? Hati rasa camne?
Me : I don't wanna fall if there's no one there to catch me..
Him : Don't worry..I'll catch you..
Me : Betul ke ni?
Him : Betul la..ingat I main2 ke?
Me : Ok
and with that we were officially a couple..though ada perselisihan pendapat mengenai tarikh official..I'd say it was 4th..He'd say it was 3rd..so kira 2-2 jelah..ok?
Later I paksa him to come and see my parents...my parents macam ok je..wee~! well..he was charming.. my Kuma-chan~!
Excited cause my birthday is on 7th, his on 10th and Ruhil's on 14th... *big smile!*
One day..in the car..
Him : Nah urut tangan abang
(bila boring-boring dalam keta tula kejenye..)
Him : Ayang..kalo abg pegi dulu dari ayang..masa abang nak pegi tu..abang nak ayang di sisi abang..
Me : Nape cakap camtu..?
Him : Yela..mana tahu...pastu nanti ayang urut tangan abang camni tau...
Me : Nape?
Him : sebab bila ayang urut tangan abg camni abang rasa tenang sangat..masa abang pegi nanti pun abang nak rasa tenang macam ni..
Me : Mmm..yelaa..
Him : Ayang nak makan ape?
Me : Sup perut.
Him : Ayang ni sup perut sup perut..abang nak makan pizza hari ni..jom makan pizza!
Me : Ok (kan senang kalo dari tadi dah wat keputusan..ape daa)
Him : Ayang..nanti pas grading kite wat family dinner nak? Leh family abang kenal-kenal dengan family ayang..pastu boleh plan merisik, tunang..
Me : Ok..
Him : Ayang..kite bertunang sebelum bulan puasa nak? Nanti boleh abang gi berbuka dengan 'tunang' abang...hee..
Me : Iye..ayang pun nak gi berbuka dengan 'tunang' ayang juge...hee
(gedik gila...*gelak guling2*)
ok memang kitorg gedik.. ada sekali buat drama sebab nak berpisah kat toilet.. yelah.. Kuma-chan masuk toilet lelaki.. kitorang masuk toilet perempuan...
Ruhil: Hish sudahla korang...garek!!! (sambil tarik atashi masuk toilet..)
itu semua sesi lepas stress je tu..
Then came the day...my first grading!!!!! ohh sangat nervous ok...lucky I have both Ruhil and him to comfort me..haha..grading bersama budak-budak kot..of course lah murid tua ni nampak outstanding..
He was excited too..even brought a DSLR camera with him to take picture with the kids..
But then after my grading he came to me..
Him: Ayang..tolong hantar abang balik..abang nak jumpa bapak
He was sweating all over..though the hall was not warm at all and it was night..I was puzzled..at the same time worried..hmmm
I wasn't used to driving a Kancil with no power steering..sangat terkial-kial nak kuar dari dewan tu ok...
Him : Ayang..bila kte nak sampai umah ni??
sempat lagi bising-bising.....
When we reach home..bapak gave him meds..but he kept telling me it felt like being stabbed in the heart..he lay down on the floor and insisted I stayed with him..until Ruhil came back..and bapak sent me home later..
I can't sleep that night..the next day I was supposed to be going for my office Perhentian trip..and I haven't pack a thing..but end up I did not pack anything at all..I'm just not feeling up to it..
When morning came I contacted Ruhil..and was told he was admitted to the hospital...tried my best to be calm and went to the hospital and informed my parents..guess what..they went to the hospital at 3 a.m and was only admitted to the ward at 7 a.m! and all the nurses that attended to him were trainees..hence the bruises on his hands which he tried to tuck away when I came so I won't see those bruises (tapi nampak jugakk) ..until my mom came and pushed them away..she attended to him herself..(terima kasih banyak mak..)
he grabbed my hand when he saw me came..and asked..'kenapa ayang datang? kan ayang nak gi Perhentian?' ohh my sayang..how could I go to Perhentian while you are in the hospital??
In the afternoon..he was admitted to the Cardiac Care Unit (CCU)..my mom were one of the nurse that followed the transfer and took care of him during the transfer..(again..terima kasih banyak mak.. I can never repay you)..
He was in the CCU for a couple of days.. The last moment with him when he was conscious, it was Saturday afternoon, somehow I can't seem to move my feet to leave.. it was then when he made this gesture.. (macam dalam iklan Safi Balqis gitu..haha) .. I had a really tough time holding my tears...
That night, we received news that he was unconscious, due to water in his lungs.. we got to the hospital as soon as we can.. Me and Ruhil take turns going inside.. I could only offer her my lap to sleep on the cold hard plastic chairs outside the ward.. we didn't bring anything much with us.. I know.. if this is hard for me.. I can't even imagine how much harder it is for her.. Kuma-chan is her closest brother.. they were always together, everywhere..
He remained unconscious the next day till he passed away.. I remembered gazing in the moon, while waiting outside the CCU, wondering what would happen next? a soft whisper came.. telling me.. 'it's okay, let him go... '
Soon after, there was hustle and bustle.. his bed was right in front of the door.. I peeked in and saw his curtains were closed.. I don't know what to think.. hanya mendoakan yang terbaik untuk dia.. tak lama.. one of the nurses came out and look at the clock... it was 9.32pm.. Saturday, 29th May 2010..
Standing in front of the door.. it felt like a thousand-storey building collapsed inside of me.. tears streaming down like it will never end.. Ruhil? don't ask.. it was the most heart wrenching scene for me.. and yet, she pulled herself together and arranged everything she could.. shaking and trembling, I called up my parents.. a few friends I consider close.. and out of the blue I called a very dear old friend..
It was his words that gave strength to me that night.. because he said 'I know you Nisya.. you are a very strong person.. you can go through this..' Thank you, dear.
When I held his hands for the last time, they were still warm.. he looks like he was going to wake up any time.. but I know he never will.. I packed all his things, and took the t-shirt he last wore... it was the Kinabalu T-shirt that I unintentionally gave him before (asalnya beli untuk pakcik guard sebab selalu teman kat ofis sampai malam.. tapi terbeli saiz besar (kuma-chan pun agak besar orangnye..) dan pakcik tu pun tak gemar pakai t-shirt... tak tahu nak bagi sapa, bagi kat kuma-chan jelah time tu) but he was so happy receiving that t-shirt..sedang elok pulak tu ngam dengan dia.. tak sangka dan terharu sangat sebab orang appreciate gift kita.. huhu.. (ok macam buruk siku pulak amik balik kan... whatever..)
Then we went back to their house.. tolong kemas.. dan tunggu sampai jenazah datang.. Mama siap letak songket kat kepala katil.. katanya nak bagi Kuma-chan pakai samping songket tu masa nikah nanti.. luluh hati lagi time tu...*sobs*
I only went back home early in the morning to shower, pinjam jubah mak, and came back to their house.. hari ni mandikan jenazah, masa dikafankan, I took a last long look at him.. masih handsome.. dah mati pun handsome (bak kata Ruhil).. aih Kuma-chan.. beliau memang smart orangnya.. I'm always the sloppy one.. tapi tak dapat ikut gi solat jenazah, I was told.. ramai yang datang solatkan dia.. Alhamdulillah.. I went straight to the Tanah Perkuburan Islam dekat Gua Kek Look Tong tu..
There he will rest, sehinggalah kita semua dibangkitkan semula di padang mahsyar.. May you rest in peace, love..
I spend the night with Ruhil.. we ended up sleeping with tears.. and waking up with tears.. no more morning SMSes.. no more midnight calls.. it felt so lonely... for me..
I called my office, and asked for leave, for the whole week.. I'm grateful that my superior was a very understanding person.. (thank you Dato' R..) .. tapi yelah.. seminggu tido dalam air mata je.. tido dengan mak.. bangun pun air mata.. bila mak masuk kerja hari Isnin tu, balik kerja mak pun nangis jugak.. sebab orang bertanya.. huhu..
Kuma-chan will always be a part of me.. with a special place in my heart..
Not much happened.. still coping with my loss.. I had a dream about him.. in his dream, he told me not to cry... which I can't really do much, till today..
but the best part is, Dayah datang rumah, and spent a few days with me.. sangat terharu.. terima kasih Dayah!
First joined Karnival Wajadiri Sukan Taekwondo RSB as a helper.. but everyone was still feeling the lost of Kuma-chan.. usually he's the spirit of the team.. everybody loved him..
in our plans, we were supposed to get engaged during this month too, right before Ramadan.. but Allah loved him more..
Kereta tersangkut kat parking SUK.. hahaha~! why? sebab tayar depan belah kiri masuk longkang.. terpaksa angkat kereta tu.. huhuhu... terima kasih kepada semua yang membantu... padan muka kat diri sendiri suka sangat nak drift masuk parking kan... amik ubat!
Yellow 2 Belt grading to Green Belt yeay! masa grading dengan arwah dulu dapat kuning 2 terus.. murid tua lah katakan..
I fractured my left foot on the 5th metatarsal.. and got MC for almost 2 months!! keras dok rumah... hahaha...
Ceritanya, berjalan-jalan di Kedah, konon nak menikmati dinner kat Tanjong Dawai sambil melihat sunset.. selama ni ingatkan sunset tu lama.. tapi sebenarnya kejap sangat! We spent the night at my sister's place.. disebabkan terlalu letih.. I literally pengsan with my jeans.. talk about unprepared sleep.. that's just me.. basically I can just fall asleep anywhere and any condition.. but I do suffer the consequences when I woke up after.. Woke up in the middle of the night, nature's call.. but I can't feel my foot and I fell face down.. it was a hassle to get back up since I can't feel my feet.. so I just continued sleeping on the floor.. (tak senonoh betul pompuan nih).. but I woke up eventually cause I remembered my sister telling me about rats and the cockroach issues at her place..
Only the next morning, I felt the sharp pain on my left foot pinky toe.. I assumed it twisted my foot during the fall that night.. It was throbbing with pain.. so I told my mom and she massaged my foot with cooking oil mixed with garlic.. (nasib baik tak kena goreng..) then gi jalan-jalan kat SP Mall.. sakitnya MasyaAllah... terpaksa mintak ais kat McD sebab nak tuam kaki yang dah bengkak tu... tapi round habis jugak shopping mall tu.. that afternoon we went back to Ipoh...
The next morning.. it was Monday! as usual, I'm late for work.. but my foot was still aching though.. so I was thinking..... maybe I can go see a doctor.. get MC, and take the day off yay! so I asked my dad to take me to the hospital and see my mom.. she asked a doctor to have a look at my foot.. at first, the doctor wasn't looking at my foot.. he was looking at my calf.. and said.. eh, bengkaknya! well my calf is chubby dan mungkin jugak Dr. tu tak nampak sangat kaki comel yang bengkak tu.. yes I have a small foot.. I wear a size 4 shoe.
Me: Dr. tengok apa tu? kaki saya yang sakit.. bukan betis..
Dr.: Oh yeke.. sori-sori..
actually my foot was turning a bit bluish and tender.. so the Dr ordered for an x-ray...
so I limped to the Radiography Department at the hospital.. which is like a few blocks away from my mom's ward... and get the X-ray, wait for it.. get the film.. but I didn't even think of looking at the x-ray results, nor did the technician said anything about my foot... so I called up my mom.. and limped back towards my mom's ward... my mom met me in the middle of the way and immediately ask for the x-ray film and look at it..
Mom: Eh, ni nampak macam retak ni!
Me: Erk.. yeke?? Camne ni? kita kat tengah jalan ni.. nak jalan ke?? eh.. saya boleh jalan ke??
Mom: hmmmmm... Jalan jelah.. mana nak cari wheelchair kat sini..
Yup.. kami kat tengah jalan... and I continued to limp to my mom's ward.. my mom looked for a wheelchair and put me in a corner while she confirmed the x-ray result with her doctor.. then she wheeled me to the Orthopaedics... more waiting.. and finally the MO confirms the fracture on my fifth metatarsal.. it was fractured halfway through.. since I was allergic to POP ( I broke my arm when I was 6 years old.. and was put on with POP, end up scratching all the time..) I was patched up with fibreglass.. macam kaki itik!! see the puffy toes?
while they were patching me up, I was told if I continued to walk, the metatarsal might be fractured through..which could be worse... so lucky I came to the hospital? and I got the medical leave I wished for.. amik ubat!
My Birthday! Yuyil's Birthday!! His too...
And I made a terrible mistake dropping the live database working from home.. nasib baik tengah malam hoi! luckily help was online..phew! managed to restore the database before business resume the next day!
all the while, I work from home, my assistants will forward me email and issues they can't settle, or called me up for remote troubleshooting, so my medical leave is not so much rest, only my foot need the rest and yet my foot can do nothing by the way.. its already strapped..
and my medical leave was prolonged another two weeks..
the long medical leave finally ended.. but I was not fully discharged yet, still have to attend physiotherapy.. needed to learn to walk properly again, since I have been using crutches.. but most of the time I went go around the house jumping on my right.. ah, the stairs...
having another tae kwon do grading again! though I wasn't fully recovered, menggeletis nak grading.. huhhh.. this time naik Green 2 pulak.. but I skipped all the kicks with the left foot anchor.. Master takut cedera balik sebab kaki baru baik... huhu..
But it wasn't all well for Ruhil.. after almost a year losing her brother.. bapak pun pergi juga... 3rd May 2011..
it was a hard time especially for her.. and I'm afraid I was not quite a friend I should be at that moment.. please forgive me, dear...
finally discharged from physiotherapy.. woo hoo!
and I can't remember what happened the rest of the year... well a lot must have happened... but its not as significant... :)
Azhan Kamil Falah Bin Mat Arshad
(10.03.1981 - 29.05.2010)
& Bapak, Mat Arshad Bin Yusuf
(Kembali ke rahmatullah pada 03.05.2011)
there... enough for 2010 and 2011... I have stories to share from back in 2012 onwards.. but I'll take my time writing that...
until the next post!