Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Looking back..

today is the 18th of Ramadan..

actually, I'm here looking for my long lost cookie recipe.. thank God I blogged about it.. but doing so got me rereading my blog posts.. wow, sure is full of rants.. haha!

well, aging makes me toned down on my rantings a bit.. its more like.. I want to be a better person.. I realised that there's no point ranting out here anymore.. the problem will remain until I really face it and do something about it instead of just rants about it.. kan? its better to channel all my feelings to Allah instead, Dia Maha Mendengar.. and when I'm in pain, he will ease it.. after all, Allah knows best.. what we like most may not be good for us, and what we dislike most, could be the most beneficial for us..

so in this holy month of Ramadan, I wish I could be a much much much better person, inside out..

Ameen Ya Rabbal 'Alameen..

Friday, January 6, 2017

Importing From OpenSSL to Keytool

Ignore the fact that this blog has been abandoned for months (or years!)!

I just need somewhere I can note this down without loosing it. Haha~

As it happens, the SSL certificate for the portal I was responsible for has expired on 15/12/2016. Well we did sent the renewal notice to the GPKI team a month earlier, but somehow our notice was lost in transit. Until we did a follow up on the day the certificate dies, we would never know it has been lost...

Before, the task of creating the CSR (Certificate Signing Request) file and what not are done by the vendor, but now with the vendor gone (and almost not replying to any of my messages) I took the liberty to get the job done myself. When the supplier request for a new CSR, since there was a problem with the previous CSR, I used OpenSSL to generate the key and CSR. I was entirely forgotten that Java already has Keytool.

The problem starts when the server domain was no longer accessible (was not sure whether its domain problem, or certificate problem..). Without knowing anything I simply import the certificate into a jks keystore. Simply!!

A Lesson on Keystore

Well.. in order for SSL to work for your browser, your server must have a keystore that keeps the following:

  • Your server certificate 
  • Your intermediate/CA (Certification Authority) certificate (or sometimes referred to as root certificate)
  • Your server public key
Mistake #1

I found out later in server.xml that the SSL connector uses the .jks keystore format (and I had no idea what keystore is even about.. sad..) The thing is... I generated the public key and CSR using OpenSSL when I should just have used Java Keytool. The CA got my certificate ready alright, but when I just simply import the certificate using Keytool I didn't know that the keystore should have the public key too, which, was created using OpenSSL..

Solution

After doing some digging on Google, I came across this solution. With the key that I created using OpenSSL and the certificate I got from the CA, I need to create a PKCS12 keystore first, then convert it into a JKS.

To generate the PKCS12 keystore, use to following command:
openssl pkcs12 -export -name  jks-alias -in servercertificate.crt -inkey server.key -out keystorename.p12
To convert from PKCS12 to JKS, use the following command:
keytool -importkeystore -destkeystore keystorename.jks -srckeystore keystorename.p12 -srcstoretype pkcs12 -alias jks-alias
Yeay! but I missed something, the intermediate certificate.

So I just imported the intermediate certificate to the JKS keystore using the keytool following command:
keytool -import -trustcacerts -alias jks-alias -file CAcertificate.crt
Use this command to verify JKS contents:
keytool -list -v -keystore keystorename.jks

Problem

My server certificate was validated, but my intermediate/CA certificate was not found, eventhough I have imported the intermediate/CA certificate. 

Seems like it just won't work like that.

Solution

I went digging again and this time I came across this solution. The problem in the post was similar. Turns out I need to make a certificate bundle  and generate another PKCS12 keystore.

Making a certificate bundle

Generally I followed the steps from this page. But, basically it is really simple. Using a text editor, copy all the certificates into one textfile in the following order:
  1. Your server certificate
  2. Your Intermediate certificate
  3. Your CA certificate (optional)
I only had 1 and 2. then I saved the file with .pem extension.

Then create another PKCS12 keystore using the same command, but with the .pem file:
openssl pkcs12 -export -name  jks-alias -in certificatebundle.pem -inkey server.key -out keystorename.p12
and use the same keytool command to convert the PKCS12 keystore to JKS keystore.

Finally

I restarted the Tomcat service et voila! My SSL works like a charm :)


Friday, August 28, 2015

Suka, Sayang dan Cinta

bila kita suka orang, tak semestinya kita sayang..
yes suka tu kira macam first stage lah..
tapi suka boleh berubah jadi tak suka...

ada suka yang membawa kepada sayang..
ada suka yang akan end up dengan tak suka..

sayang pulak.. kadang-kadang bermula dari suka..
tapi kadang-kadang ia datang dengan misteri..
tak tahu dari mana, tiba-tiba terbit rasa sayang..
perasaan dia overwhelming and indescribable..
kadang-kadang kita tak kenal pun orang tu..
(ini macam kes saya dengan arwah kuma-chan..
perasaan ini datang bila saya tahu nama sebenar dia..
walaupun pernah bersua, tapi saya tak ada rasa suka..
biasa je.. lebih kepada hormat sebab dia abang kawan baik saya..
nama sebenar dia pun saya tak amik tahu sampai kawan saya sendiri yang bagitahu.. haha!)

cuma bezanya sayang, walaupun ada perkara yang kita tak suka pada orang tu..
kita tetap sayang pada dia.. dan tidaklah pulak dengan segala benda yang kita tak suka pada dia tu mengurangkan kasih sayang kita pada dia..
segala buruk perangai, segala benda yang menyakitkan hati..
semua tu takde hal lah..
memanglah tak suka, kita manusia...
maksud saya, itu bukan sebab untuk berhenti menyayangi..
sebab bila sayang, kita menerima seseorang itu seadanya dia..
fizikalnya, perangainya, attitudenya, bad behavioursnya..
segalanya tentang dia..

rasa sayang itu kekal sampai bila-bila..
and in my case, bukan seorang.. haha
sebab sayang is sayang! faham?

yang palig penting, bila kita sayangkan seseorang, hari-hari kita doakan dia..
kata sayang kan?
mestilah kita nak orang yang kita sayang baik-baik aja...

cinta? ada sayang yang menjadi cinta..
ada sayang yang terus menjadi sayang...

cinta itu kompleks sebab..
pada saya cinta itu apabila ia adalah antara dua pihak yang menyayangi satu sama lain..
cinta itu melengkapkan dua pihak..
cinta itu bila saat dua pihak bersama tanpa berbuat apa-apa, even bercakap pun..
tapi itulah saat paling bahagia dua pihak tersebut..
cinta itu bila kedua pihak bukan sekadar menyayangi,
tapi saling menghargai keberadaan masing-masing..
bila satu pihak tak ada, satu pihak lagi akan terasa ketiadaannya..
cinta itu bila kata-kata sudah tidak perlu untuk masing-masing mengetahui apa dalam hati masing-masing..

saya beruntung kerana dicintai oleh kuma-chan sehingga akhir hayatnya..
jadi buat masa ni.. saya pulangkan cinta saya kepada Allah Ta'ala..

sesungguhnya Allah Ta'ala jualah yang memiliki saya, hati saya, kuma-chan, dia, dan hati dia..




Tak.. aku tak marah..

marah tu satu perkataan yang kuat...

kadang-kadang aku wonder.. aku pernah ke marah dalam erti sebenarnya?

most of the time aku cuma sakit hati.. terasa hati.. memendam perasaan...

mungkin aku lebih marahkan diri aku kot..

sebab kadang-kadang terlukakan perasaan orang..

tersilap cakap.. tersalah faham...

mungkin juga orang salah faham.. ingatkan aku marah..

walhal pada hakikatnya aku cuma meluahkan frustations..

tak lebih dari itu..

aku minta maaf..

Thursday, August 6, 2015

to kill time..

yes! I'm writing this post to kill time..

office hours are done.. and I am not in the mood to do work stuff.. though usually I'll still be going through paperworks and systems testing reports from my team.. but today I'm not!

I'm having a serious case of running nose.. my nose won't stop running unless I lie down and its driving me crazy because I cannot take my nose off!!

I can't go back either because driving at this minute will result in me stuck in the car for over one hour to reach home.. imagine that with a running nose!!

Yesterday was the Ministry's makan-makan raya.. our Department was making rojak buah, and our division was given the task to prepare the pineapples... I've never had the experience to prepare pineapples before so I was really really really looking forward to prep them, I even brought my best kitchen knife and apron the day before.. poyo giller haha~!

Though I readied myself earlier yesterday, my shawl (raya kan? mestila nak pakai baju raya!) caused me some problems and I was still late to the office.. huhh.. memang dewi lambat sungguh laa.. semangat gila sarung apron (baju raya, mind you..) dengan pisau ke hulu ke hilir kat ofis.. hohoho

And so we started peeling the pineapples.. cut both ends, then cut the skin off from top to bottom.. kalau malas buang mata style utara, potong je sampai tak nampak mata.. at first that was the plan.. but seeing the pineapples makin lama makin kurus (mine especially..) I tried buang mata style utara tu.. hihihi.. it was fun, but took time a bit.. we cut up about 15 pineapples yesterday..

Come the makan-makan event, actually I didn't really favour the event despite there were a lot of artis jemputan (Najwa Latif, Hail Amir, Uji Rashid, dan banyak lagi..), it was held in Dataran Gemilang, under the hot sun (the most probable cause I'm feverish today..) and too much people queueing for food and not much place to sit and eat properly.. by the time we got down, some of the food are already finished, all in all dapatlah makan 2 ulas durian (wajib!), char kuey teow, rojak buah.. and I got the last grilled lamb ribs from the Bomba guys (thanks!!) finished it up with a melting chocolate ice cream cone... tapi lamb ribs tu tak makan kat situ pun.. bawa naik sebab nak buruk lantak..

Actually we went up early since we're having a meeting with MD Maran for the launching of one of our projects.. the meeting ended at 6.30 pm.. and I continued with my work for that day till 9.00pm.. when I remembered I have another meeting to attend at JPM the next day (today) and prepared all the documents....

An excuse to not go to the office early in the morning.... :P

Unfortunately I was not prepared to sleep the night.. cause the next morning at 5 a.m I find myself  in front of the TV beside the durian.. (siang malam durian.. tido pun dengan durian.. huhh).. and I was shivering from the cold night... jangan tanyalah tido pukul berapa.. seriously, I don't know how to answer that question, almost every day..

Climbed to the bed and woke up later with a heavy head at 7.30.. yikes! lambat ler masuk meeting...

Memang lambat pun! masuk kereta je the nose start running already... redah jem lagi... cari parking lagi.. adalah lambat 10 minit.. the meeting already commenced when I arrived.. at first tahan lapar je tengok kuih lapis dengan sardine roll atas meja depan mata tu.. in case ada benda nak mencelah.. plus, nobody else were eating at that time.. come 10.00 am tak tahan dah.. already said my part and I just need to have a nice hot tea down my throat.. plus the running nose already consuming my last ration of tissue in my handbag..

Just when I gobbled up the last bite of the sardine roll.. tetiba pengerusi Dato' Seri: Ok, KPKT, how many PBTs are there? how many are using...... nasib baiklah figures tu semua dalam kepala je.. cuma challenge at the moment, is how to say it with my mouth full..

Syukur, I was born with pockets in my cheeks.. so I put all the food in my mouth into the pocket and answered as if I wasn't eating... hahaha! (mesti orang sebelah nampak kembung je pipi... :P)

People always tease me about my cheeks.. they would ask how do I keep my cheeks so round? now I know exactly how to answer...

'Saya simpan kuih dalam pipi saya.. macam-macam ada.. kuih apa nak?'
I keep food in my cheeks.. want some?

Once, when I was doing Umrah in Madinah, an Arab lady stopped in front of me just to pinch my cheeks..after that she was gone.. leaving me like.. what??  boleh??? and I was not a small girl then, I was a fully grown 29 years old adult..

okay.. I think now is quite the right time for me to go back..need to drop a friend at the Putrajaya Sentral before I can get home.. I'm already feverish, hoping to get some rest tonight..

until the next post~!

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

Recap of 2010 and 2011

I've been writing this post since 2014... but it was so overwhelming.. it took years to complete.. you'll understand.. haha..

For some unknown reasons, I wish to share a full recap of what I have been through for one of the most memorable year of my life..

Well you might wanna take a deep breath..or maybe get some snacks ready by your side (maybe a box of tissue too?) ..cause this will be one hell of a very very very looooong entry.. (macamlah ada orang nak baca entry nih...hahaha) .. but then..I will only share the best that I can remember...my brain has been quite damaged recently.. huhu

I was wondering where should I start from..but I guess everything starts at the beginning kan?

so here goes...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2010

January

I start taking Tae Kwon Do classes on the 8th..wow..starting a martial arts class at 27 years old? haha..its never too late to learn I tell you..and to date..Tae Kwon Do is one of the best things in my life.. :) oh..did I mention my trainer is my best friend? she is Ruhil Farhana.

I started flirting with my best friend's brother...don't ask me why..the feeling just came when I first heard his full name..Azhan Kamil Falah.. at the mention of his name..there's a feeling that my heart was 'hugged'..(boleh ke rasa camni??) well it's the best way I can describe it..Ruhil plak macam ok je..macam la...hahah..selamba je lah kot ehh? He was my trainer too back then..selamba je ngorat cikgu sendiri..haihh

February

Him : Morning sayang
Me : Euww apa syg2 nih..menggegar hati tau
Him : Nape? Hati rasa camne?
Me : I don't wanna fall if there's no one there to catch me..
Him : Don't worry..I'll catch you..
Me : Betul ke ni?
Him : Betul la..ingat I main2 ke?
Me : Ok

and with that we were officially a couple..though ada perselisihan pendapat mengenai tarikh official..I'd say it was 4th..He'd say it was 3rd..so kira 2-2 jelah..ok?

Later I paksa him to come and see my parents...my parents macam ok je..wee~! well..he was charming.. my Kuma-chan~!

March

Excited cause my birthday is on 7th, his on 10th and Ruhil's on 14th... *big smile!*

May

One day..in the car..

Him : Nah urut tangan abang
(bila boring-boring dalam keta tula kejenye..)
Him : Ayang..kalo abg pegi dulu dari ayang..masa abang nak pegi tu..abang nak ayang di sisi abang..
Me : Nape cakap camtu..?
Him : Yela..mana tahu...pastu nanti ayang urut tangan abang camni tau...
Me : Nape?
Him : sebab bila ayang urut tangan abg camni abang rasa tenang sangat..masa abang pegi nanti pun abang nak rasa tenang macam ni.. 
Me : Mmm..yelaa..
Him : Ayang nak makan ape?
Me : Sup perut.
Him : Ayang ni sup perut sup perut..abang nak makan pizza hari ni..jom makan pizza!
Me : Ok (kan senang kalo dari tadi dah wat keputusan..ape daa)

During dinner

Him : Ayang..nanti pas grading kite wat family dinner nak? Leh family abang kenal-kenal dengan family ayang..pastu boleh plan merisik, tunang..
Me : Ok..
Him : Ayang..kite bertunang sebelum bulan puasa nak? Nanti boleh abang gi berbuka dengan 'tunang' abang...hee..
Me : Iye..ayang pun nak gi berbuka dengan 'tunang' ayang juge...hee
(gedik gila...*gelak guling2*)

ok memang kitorg gedik.. ada sekali buat drama sebab nak berpisah kat toilet.. yelah.. Kuma-chan masuk toilet lelaki.. kitorang masuk toilet perempuan...

masing-masing berpandangan...
Him: Ayangggg...
Me: Abangggg..
Ruhil: Hish sudahla korang...garek!!! (sambil tarik atashi masuk toilet..)
HAHAHAHH!!

itu semua sesi lepas stress je tu..

Then came the day...my first grading!!!!! ohh sangat nervous ok...lucky I have both Ruhil and him to comfort me..haha..grading bersama budak-budak kot..of course lah murid tua ni nampak outstanding..

He was excited too..even brought a DSLR camera with him to take picture with the kids..

But then after my grading he came to me..

Him: Ayang..tolong hantar abang balik..abang nak jumpa bapak

He was sweating all over..though the hall was not warm at all and it was night..I was puzzled..at the same time worried..hmmm

I wasn't used to driving a Kancil with no power steering..sangat terkial-kial nak kuar dari dewan tu ok...

Him : Ayang..bila kte nak sampai umah ni??

sempat lagi bising-bising.....

When we reach home..bapak gave him meds..but he kept telling me it felt like being stabbed in the heart..he lay down on the floor and insisted I stayed with him..until Ruhil came back..and bapak sent me home later..

I can't sleep that night..the next day I was supposed to be going for my office Perhentian trip..and I haven't pack a thing..but end up I did not pack anything at all..I'm just not feeling up to it..

When morning came I contacted Ruhil..and was told he was admitted to the hospital...tried my best to be calm and went to the hospital and informed my parents..guess what..they went to the hospital at 3 a.m and was only admitted to the ward at 7 a.m! and all the nurses that attended to him were trainees..hence the bruises on his hands which he tried to tuck away when I came so I won't see those bruises (tapi nampak jugakk) ..until my mom came and pushed them away..she attended to him herself..(terima kasih banyak mak..)

he grabbed my hand when he saw me came..and asked..'kenapa ayang datang? kan ayang nak gi Perhentian?' ohh my sayang..how could I go to Perhentian while you are in the hospital??

In the afternoon..he was admitted to the Cardiac Care Unit (CCU)..my mom were one of the nurse that followed the transfer and took care of him during the transfer..(again..terima kasih banyak mak.. I can never repay you)..

He was in the CCU for a couple of days.. The last moment with him when he was conscious, it was Saturday afternoon, somehow I can't seem to move my feet to leave.. it was then when he made this gesture.. (macam dalam iklan Safi Balqis gitu..haha) .. I had a really tough time holding my tears...

That night, we received news that he was unconscious, due to water in his lungs.. we got to the hospital as soon as we can.. Me and Ruhil take turns going inside.. I could only offer her my lap to sleep on the cold hard plastic chairs outside the ward.. we didn't bring anything much with us.. I know.. if this is hard for me.. I can't even imagine how much harder it is for her.. Kuma-chan is her closest brother.. they were always together, everywhere..

He remained unconscious the next day till he passed away.. I remembered gazing in the moon, while waiting outside the CCU, wondering what would happen next? a soft whisper came.. telling me.. 'it's okay, let him go... '

Soon after, there was hustle and bustle.. his bed was right in front of the door.. I peeked in and saw his curtains were closed.. I don't know what to think.. hanya mendoakan yang terbaik untuk dia.. tak lama.. one of the nurses came out and look at the clock... it was 9.32pm.. Saturday, 29th May 2010..

Standing in front of the door.. it felt like a thousand-storey building collapsed inside of me.. tears streaming down like it will never end.. Ruhil? don't ask.. it was the most heart wrenching scene for me.. and yet, she pulled herself together and arranged everything she could.. shaking and trembling, I called up my parents.. a few friends I consider close.. and out of the blue I called a very dear old friend..

It was his words that gave strength to me that night.. because he said 'I know you Nisya.. you are a very strong person.. you can go through this..' Thank you, dear.

When I held his hands for the last time, they were still warm.. he looks like he was going to wake up any time.. but I know he never will.. I packed all his things, and took the t-shirt he last wore... it was the Kinabalu T-shirt that I unintentionally gave him before (asalnya beli untuk pakcik guard sebab selalu teman kat ofis sampai malam.. tapi terbeli saiz besar (kuma-chan pun agak besar orangnye..) dan pakcik tu pun tak gemar pakai t-shirt... tak tahu nak bagi sapa, bagi kat kuma-chan jelah time tu) but he was so happy receiving that t-shirt..sedang elok pulak tu ngam dengan dia.. tak sangka dan terharu sangat sebab orang appreciate gift kita.. huhu.. (ok macam buruk siku pulak amik balik kan... whatever..)

Then we went back to their house.. tolong kemas.. dan tunggu sampai jenazah datang.. Mama siap letak songket kat kepala katil.. katanya nak bagi Kuma-chan pakai samping songket tu masa nikah nanti.. luluh hati lagi time tu...*sobs*

I only went back home early in the morning to shower, pinjam jubah mak, and came back to their house.. hari ni mandikan jenazah, masa dikafankan, I took a last long look at him.. masih handsome.. dah mati pun handsome (bak kata Ruhil).. aih Kuma-chan.. beliau memang smart orangnya.. I'm always the sloppy one.. tapi tak dapat ikut gi solat jenazah, I was told.. ramai yang datang solatkan dia.. Alhamdulillah.. I went straight to the Tanah Perkuburan Islam dekat Gua Kek Look Tong tu..

There he will rest, sehinggalah kita semua dibangkitkan semula di padang mahsyar.. May you rest in peace, love..

I spend the night with Ruhil.. we ended up sleeping with tears.. and waking up with tears.. no more morning SMSes.. no more midnight calls.. it felt so lonely... for me..

I called my office, and asked for leave, for the whole week.. I'm grateful that my superior was a very understanding person.. (thank you Dato' R..) .. tapi yelah.. seminggu tido dalam air mata je.. tido dengan mak.. bangun pun air mata.. bila mak masuk kerja hari Isnin tu, balik kerja mak pun nangis jugak.. sebab orang bertanya.. huhu..

Kuma-chan will always be a part of me.. with a special place in my heart..



June

Not much happened.. still coping with my loss.. I had a dream about him.. in his dream, he told me not to cry... which I can't really do much, till today..

but the best part is, Dayah datang rumah, and spent a few days with me.. sangat terharu.. terima kasih Dayah!

July

First joined Karnival Wajadiri Sukan Taekwondo RSB as a helper.. but everyone was still feeling the lost of Kuma-chan.. usually he's the spirit of the team.. everybody loved him..

in our plans, we were supposed to get engaged during this month too, right before Ramadan.. but Allah loved him more..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2011

January

Kereta tersangkut kat parking SUK.. hahaha~! why? sebab tayar depan belah kiri masuk longkang.. terpaksa angkat kereta tu.. huhuhu... terima kasih kepada semua yang membantu... padan muka kat diri sendiri suka sangat nak drift masuk parking kan... amik ubat!

Yellow 2 Belt grading to Green Belt yeay! masa grading dengan arwah dulu dapat kuning 2 terus.. murid tua lah katakan..


February

I fractured my left foot on the 5th metatarsal.. and got MC for almost 2 months!! keras dok rumah... hahaha...

Ceritanya, berjalan-jalan di Kedah, konon nak menikmati dinner kat Tanjong Dawai sambil melihat sunset.. selama ni ingatkan sunset tu lama.. tapi sebenarnya kejap sangat! We spent the night at my sister's place.. disebabkan terlalu letih.. I literally pengsan with my jeans.. talk about unprepared sleep.. that's just me.. basically I can just fall asleep anywhere and any condition.. but I do suffer the consequences when I woke up after.. Woke up in the middle of the night, nature's call.. but I can't feel my foot and I fell face down.. it was a hassle to get back up since I can't feel my feet.. so I just continued sleeping on the floor.. (tak senonoh betul pompuan nih).. but I woke up eventually cause I remembered my sister telling me about rats and the cockroach issues at her place..

Only the next morning, I felt the sharp pain on my left foot pinky toe.. I assumed it twisted my foot during the fall that night.. It was throbbing with pain.. so I told my mom and she massaged my foot with cooking oil mixed with garlic.. (nasib baik tak kena goreng..) then gi jalan-jalan kat SP Mall.. sakitnya MasyaAllah... terpaksa mintak ais kat McD sebab nak tuam kaki yang dah bengkak tu... tapi round habis jugak shopping mall tu.. that afternoon we went back to Ipoh...

The next morning.. it was Monday! as usual, I'm late for work.. but my foot was still aching though.. so I was thinking..... maybe I can go see a doctor.. get MC, and take the day off yay! so I asked my dad to take me to the hospital and see my mom.. she asked a doctor to have a look at my foot.. at first, the doctor wasn't looking at my foot.. he was looking at my calf.. and said.. eh, bengkaknya! well my calf is chubby dan mungkin jugak Dr. tu tak nampak sangat kaki comel yang bengkak tu.. yes I have a small foot.. I wear a size 4 shoe.

Me: Dr. tengok apa tu? kaki saya yang sakit.. bukan betis..
Dr.: Oh yeke.. sori-sori..

actually my foot was turning a bit bluish and tender.. so the Dr ordered for an x-ray...

so I limped to the Radiography Department at the hospital.. which is like a few blocks away from my mom's ward... and get the X-ray, wait for it.. get the film.. but I didn't even think of looking at the x-ray results, nor did the technician said anything about my foot... so I called up my mom.. and limped back towards my mom's ward... my mom met me in the middle of the way and immediately ask for the x-ray film and look at it..

Mom: Eh, ni nampak macam retak ni!
Me: Erk.. yeke?? Camne ni? kita kat tengah jalan ni.. nak jalan ke?? eh.. saya boleh jalan ke??
Mom: hmmmmm... Jalan jelah.. mana nak cari wheelchair kat sini..

Yup.. kami kat tengah jalan... and I continued to limp to my mom's ward.. my mom looked for a wheelchair and put me in a corner while she confirmed the x-ray result with her doctor.. then she wheeled me to the Orthopaedics... more waiting.. and finally the MO confirms the fracture on my fifth metatarsal.. it was fractured halfway through.. since I was allergic to POP ( I broke my arm when I was 6 years old.. and was put on with POP, end up scratching all the time..) I was patched up with fibreglass.. macam kaki itik!! see the puffy toes?


while they were patching me up, I was told if I continued to walk, the metatarsal might be fractured through..which could be worse... so lucky I came to the hospital? and I got the medical leave I wished for.. amik ubat!


March

My Birthday! Yuyil's Birthday!! His too...

And I made a terrible mistake dropping the live database working from home.. nasib baik tengah malam hoi! luckily help was online..phew! managed to restore the database before business resume the next day!

all the while, I work from home, my assistants will forward me email and issues they can't settle, or called me up for remote troubleshooting, so my medical leave is not so much rest, only my foot need the rest and yet my foot can do nothing by the way.. its already strapped..

and my medical leave was prolonged another two weeks..

April

the long medical leave finally ended.. but I was not fully discharged yet, still have to attend physiotherapy.. needed to learn to walk properly again, since I have been using crutches.. but most of the time I went go around the house jumping on my right.. ah, the stairs...

having another tae kwon do grading again! though I wasn't fully recovered, menggeletis nak grading.. huhhh.. this time naik Green 2 pulak.. but I skipped all the kicks with the left foot anchor.. Master takut cedera balik sebab kaki baru baik... huhu..

May

But it wasn't all well for Ruhil.. after almost a year losing her brother.. bapak pun pergi juga... 3rd May 2011..

it was a hard time especially for her.. and I'm afraid I was not quite a friend I should be at that moment.. please forgive me, dear...

June

finally discharged from physiotherapy.. woo hoo!

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and I can't remember what happened the rest of the year... well a lot must have happened... but its not as significant... :)

Al-Fatihah
---------
Azhan Kamil Falah Bin Mat Arshad
(10.03.1981 - 29.05.2010)
& Bapak, Mat Arshad Bin Yusuf
(Kembali ke rahmatullah pada 03.05.2011) 

there... enough for 2010 and 2011... I have stories to share from back in 2012 onwards.. but I'll take my time writing that...

until the next post!





Sunday, August 2, 2015

Afraid

I was too afraid to let you know
I was there for you

I was too afraid to look for you
because I'm afraid I won't get to see you..

I was too afraid to talk to you..
because I'm afraid you won't talk to me..

What's going on in your mind?
What's going on in your life?
I want to know..
But I am too afraid to know..