.hope.

I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
...greatest fan of your life.

batik..

after being nagged by oka-chan to get out of my fortress to have lunch at the Tasik Raban Restaurant..
we went to the stadium to see what the 1Malaysia exhibit has to offer..
it was a hot day..and almost nothing interest me..
which makes me want to return to my fortress even more..
then we went into the building..
there were batik drawing exhibition..
i've been longing to at least colour a batik painting myself..
a bit hesitant at first..but oto-chan said..
"kamu nak buat..buatla..abah bayarkan.."
sedikit sayu di situ..
mungkin oto-chan tahu hati atashi yang remuk redam ni..
well..i did forced myself to approach the sister at the stall..
and got myself this..
it took me a while..to get used to the brushes..
and oka-chan was complaining over the colours i chose..
nevermind that..
i was just following my heart..
oto-chan was very patient..waiting for me..
i coloured till the stall closes for lunch..
they asked me to leave the painting there to dry..
oto-chan said "takpe..kite minum dulu.."..
we had chendol at the nearby stalls..
then i picked up the painting..
played with some antique stuff on display..
the antique cash register machine caught my attention for a few minutes..
and back at home..is the finished product..
somehow..it looked unfinished..
incomplete like me..
though i like the outcome..
but nothing in the world is perfect..
thank you oto-chan..for this lovely painting..

to me..and to you...

Since I've been watching reruns of Meitantei Conan recently..i caught this song..thou the translation is a bit strange..i'd like to dedicate it to the lovely grass..and myself..
please note that the song is in Japanese..[obviously..huhu]..the English translation is in italics..

kimi to boku to ha betsu no ikimono dakara
konomi ga chigau aruku hayasa mo omoi no tsutae kata mo

you and I are two different creatures, therefore
the things we like, how fast we walk, and the way we think

iroaseteyuki
futari no kioku no naka ima bokura ha
tesaguri dakedo
hoka no dareka wo mirai wo sagashite yuku

are different
everything fades,
and now, within our memories
we are searching for a new future

omou yori tsuyoku ikite
tokubetsu na ai motometeru
shitatakana hibi ni nayandari

rather than thinking, you should live strongly
and search for a special person to love
don't worry for a sound life...

mou nido do mayowanai you ni
so no ude wo hanasanaide
kizutsuke au sono toki mo

never again will I be lost
don't let go of my hand
or hurt me this time

tada zutto kotae wo sagashite
mayoi konda toki no naka de
tsugi no basho he you take your way

just simply search for the answers
in this time so filled with hesitation
to the place that follows, You take your way...

me ni utsuru mono
te ni furetari kanjiru mono
sore ga bokura no sekai no subete
donna ni yume wo mite mo

that which appears in your eyes
that which you can touch and feel
those are the things that everyone
in our world dreams about

osanaki hibi no
ryoute ni afureteita chisana a pebble
dare ni mo mienai
takara no you ni kagayaita toki no naka de

in the days of our youth
our hands overflowed with those tiny pebbles
like the treasures that are invisible
within people when they shine

ki ga tsukeba motometeite
onnaji janai ai surechagau
katachi no nai mono ni kogarete
true heart for mystery eyes

if you happen realize while you are searching
that love changes as it passes you by
and you long for something you cannot touch
True Heart for Mystery Eyes

umi no mieru machi he yukou yo
kimi dake ni meta ano hi wo
sasoidashite tsuretkite

let's go to a town where we can look at the sea
but you were all I could see that day
when I took you there...

dokomade mo hirogaru sora no
subete ha mou mienai keredo
tsugi no basho he you take your way

but even so, we will never be able to see
to the end of where the endless sky will spread her wings
to the place that follows You take your way...

dakishimete
I'd like to be in your love

hold me
I'd like to be in your love

mou nido to mayowanai you ni
sono ude wo hanasanai de
kizutsuke au sono toki mo

never again will I be lost
don't let go of my hand
or hurt me this time

tada zutto kotae wo sagashite
mayoi konda toki no naka de
tsugi no basho he you take your way

just simply search for the answers
in this time so filled with hesitation
to the place that follows, You take your way...

mitsuyakani
kurikaeshiteyuki
mayoi no naka
I feel so all in secret life

silently
let's say it again
as we both waver
I feel so all in secret life...

i'm dropping it..

yup..i'm dropping my masters..

i am running out of time..my project is not even halfway done..
and i can't focus either..since 2008 to be exact..aiyyaaa

all the things that happens to me lately really got me shaken..
this is one thing i'm doing to help myself..
really big help from headaches and financially..
i can't go on with my studies..
and i hope..
this is one thing i can do to close the gap between us..

i've been contemplating long enough..
i should do it now..

abah and mak..
please forgive me..
i can't continue studying anymore..
i don't want to lose...that grass...

thinking of it..what are the differences having Master's Degree make?
a higher salary?
we can make money from other source if we want to..kan?
and the more i think of it..
being in IT stream..your education level does not matter..
what matters is your IT skills..
even if i have a Master's Degree..
but i don't know a single thing about basic IT mechanics..
it won't make me a good IT person at all..
and people would say like..
"duhhh..nama je ade Master..tapi basic haram tatau.."
make sense kan?
well..that's what i got from my grey noodles..
i might as well go for professional certification like CCNA CCNP or whatever..
that is more recognised in the IT world..

atashi and the lovely grass

huhu..lovely grass eh..
unfortunately all the lovely grass i have will eventually dissappear from me..
was it because i didn't hold them tight enuff?
or was it because i hold them too tight until they withered and die in my hands?
love comes..love goes..
but it hurts most when i don't know whether i can find the same lovely grass again..
but every grass is different..
i should have known..
should i stay..or should i go..
if i go..will i find a grass that will show me the way to the light like the last one?
i'm not perfect..i lack everything..
yet i don't want to stay in the dark..
still wondering..still hoping..

dear grass..could you stay and show me they way to the light?
if you don't..i understand..
i'm not perfect..for a lovely grass like you..

this broken heart..i don't know when will it mend..
huhh..when it happens..i wish i could just disappear..
*poof!* into the thin air..but life is not as simple as that..
nowhere to go..nowhere to turn to..nowhere to hide..
longing for nothing but for another half..
desperate kah? no..its just me..
i care not for wealth..i care not for the world..
ape nak jadi..jadila..
its just the uncomplete me..

Majlis Jamuan Aidilfitri

My family will be organizing a makan-makan event this coming Saturday, 3rd Octover 2009 (14 Syawal 1430H)..I would like to invite all of you who are reading this post to my house as per invitation below..well..its my parent's house..

Salam Syawal 1430H

I hope its not too late..
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri..
Maaf Zahir & Batin..

please do forgive my mistakes..my extremeness..my everything..

to be frank..I am so not in the mood for writing for the past few months..hope that explains it..