Let it go..

It has been lonely and it ain't that bad..
It made me appreciate my own family more..
It made me appreciate myself more..

All the pain I endured, might made me icy cold..
But knowing that you didn't let go..
Made it warmer..

It's okay.. I'm okay..
I can get through this even if it's just me..
People come and go so easily..
It's a pain but they won't know..
So I'm now an expert at ignorance..
It really saved my little heart..

Ignore.. Don't think.. Let go..

Can't Login as Root? (Centos 5)

Please take note that this steps were done in full caution, and with responsibility for anything terrible that could happen..

Last month, I was contacted by a client informing me that he/she cannot log in to the server as root for the past 2 weeks. Obviously they contacted me because I was the person responsible for setting up their server back in August. and, as far as I can remember, I never made changes to the server..

I tried logging in with all the passwords that I can remember, but to no avail.. I requested to work via TeamViewer to have a look at the machine.. yes its a virtual machine.. then I restarted the server..

Only then I notice that there was this error -> no user root found!

So I start googling and found this site:
https://wiki.archlinux.org/index.php/reset_root_password#Using_GRUB_to_invoke_bash

I followed most of the steps, but in the end I can't use the command passwd to change the password.. and the root user was not root.. apparently when I checked the passwd file, the line for root was nowhere to be seen.. seems like the passwd file has been modified...

DO THIS AT YOUR OWN COST!

So what I did was, I edited the passwd file on the line that I suspected used to be root - rename it to root again - based on the passwd file on other servers, and save the damn file..

Afterwards, I used the passwd command to change to root password (hey it worked!) and I exited bash.. an error message(?) or a warning(?) came up

Kernel panic - attempted to kill

But I crossed my fingers and reboot the server anyway.. and Alhamdulillah.. everything worked fine!!

NOTES:

If I was going to edit any files, I should have used/mounted a live cd/iso on the vm.. but at that moment, the damage has been done..

after this I'll try to use a live cd..

Looking back..

today is the 18th of Ramadan..

actually, I'm here looking for my long lost cookie recipe.. thank God I blogged about it.. but doing so got me rereading my blog posts.. wow, sure is full of rants.. haha!

well, aging makes me toned down on my rantings a bit.. its more like.. I want to be a better person.. I realised that there's no point ranting out here anymore.. the problem will remain until I really face it and do something about it instead of just rants about it.. kan? its better to channel all my feelings to Allah instead, Dia Maha Mendengar.. and when I'm in pain, he will ease it.. after all, Allah knows best.. what we like most may not be good for us, and what we dislike most, could be the most beneficial for us..

so in this holy month of Ramadan, I wish I could be a much much much better person, inside out..

Ameen Ya Rabbal 'Alameen..

Importing From OpenSSL to Keytool

Ignore the fact that this blog has been abandoned for months (or years!)!

I just need somewhere I can note this down without loosing it. Haha~

As it happens, the SSL certificate for the portal I was responsible for has expired on 15/12/2016. Well we did sent the renewal notice to the GPKI team a month earlier, but somehow our notice was lost in transit. Until we did a follow up on the day the certificate dies, we would never know it has been lost...

Before, the task of creating the CSR (Certificate Signing Request) file and what not are done by the vendor, but now with the vendor gone (and almost not replying to any of my messages) I took the liberty to get the job done myself. When the supplier request for a new CSR, since there was a problem with the previous CSR, I used OpenSSL to generate the key and CSR. I was entirely forgotten that Java already has Keytool.

The problem starts when the server domain was no longer accessible (was not sure whether its domain problem, or certificate problem..). Without knowing anything I simply import the certificate into a jks keystore. Simply!!

A Lesson on Keystore

Well.. in order for SSL to work for your browser, your server must have a keystore that keeps the following:

• Your server certificate 
• Your intermediate/CA (Certification Authority) certificate (or sometimes referred to as root certificate)
• Your server public key

Mistake #1

I found out later in server.xml that the SSL connector uses the .jks keystore format (and I had no idea what keystore is even about.. sad..) The thing is... I generated the public key and CSR using OpenSSL when I should just have used Java Keytool. The CA got my certificate ready alright, but when I just simply import the certificate using Keytool I didn't know that the keystore should have the public key too, which, was created using OpenSSL..

Solution

After doing some digging on Google, I came across this solution. With the key that I created using OpenSSL and the certificate I got from the CA, I need to create a PKCS12 keystore first, then convert it into a JKS.

To generate the PKCS12 keystore, use to following command:

openssl pkcs12 -export -name  jks-alias -in servercertificate.crt -inkey server.key -out keystorename.p12

To convert from PKCS12 to JKS, use the following command:

keytool -importkeystore -destkeystore keystorename.jks -srckeystore keystorename.p12 -srcstoretype pkcs12 -alias jks-alias

Yeay! but I missed something, the intermediate certificate.

So I just imported the intermediate certificate to the JKS keystore using the keytool following command:

keytool -import -trustcacerts -alias jks-alias -file CAcertificate.crt

Use this command to verify JKS contents:

keytool -list -v -keystore keystorename.jks

Problem

My server certificate was validated, but my intermediate/CA certificate was not found, eventhough I have imported the intermediate/CA certificate. 

Seems like it just won't work like that.

Solution

I went digging again and this time I came across this solution. The problem in the post was similar. Turns out I need to make a certificate bundle  and generate another PKCS12 keystore.

Making a certificate bundle

Generally I followed the steps from this page. But, basically it is really simple. Using a text editor, copy all the certificates into one textfile in the following order:

1. Your server certificate
2. Your Intermediate certificate
3. Your CA certificate (optional)

I only had 1 and 2. then I saved the file with .pem extension.

Then create another PKCS12 keystore using the same command, but with the .pem file:

openssl pkcs12 -export -name  jks-alias -in certificatebundle.pem -inkey server.key -out keystorename.p12

and use the same keytool command to convert the PKCS12 keystore to JKS keystore.

Finally

I restarted the Tomcat service et voila! My SSL works like a charm :)

Suka, Sayang dan Cinta

bila kita suka orang, tak semestinya kita sayang..
yes suka tu kira macam first stage lah..
tapi suka boleh berubah jadi tak suka...

ada suka yang membawa kepada sayang..
ada suka yang akan end up dengan tak suka..

sayang pulak.. kadang-kadang bermula dari suka..
tapi kadang-kadang ia datang dengan misteri..
tak tahu dari mana, tiba-tiba terbit rasa sayang..
perasaan dia overwhelming and indescribable..
kadang-kadang kita tak kenal pun orang tu..
(ini macam kes saya dengan arwah kuma-chan..
perasaan ini datang bila saya tahu nama sebenar dia..
walaupun pernah bersua, tapi saya tak ada rasa suka..
biasa je.. lebih kepada hormat sebab dia abang kawan baik saya..
nama sebenar dia pun saya tak amik tahu sampai kawan saya sendiri yang bagitahu.. haha!)

cuma bezanya sayang, walaupun ada perkara yang kita tak suka pada orang tu..
kita tetap sayang pada dia.. dan tidaklah pulak dengan segala benda yang kita tak suka pada dia tu mengurangkan kasih sayang kita pada dia..
segala buruk perangai, segala benda yang menyakitkan hati..
semua tu takde hal lah..
memanglah tak suka, kita manusia...
maksud saya, itu bukan sebab untuk berhenti menyayangi..
sebab bila sayang, kita menerima seseorang itu seadanya dia..
fizikalnya, perangainya, attitudenya, bad behavioursnya..
segalanya tentang dia..

rasa sayang itu kekal sampai bila-bila..
and in my case, bukan seorang.. haha
sebab sayang is sayang! faham?

yang palig penting, bila kita sayangkan seseorang, hari-hari kita doakan dia..
kata sayang kan?
mestilah kita nak orang yang kita sayang baik-baik aja...

cinta? ada sayang yang menjadi cinta..
ada sayang yang terus menjadi sayang...

cinta itu kompleks sebab..
pada saya cinta itu apabila ia adalah antara dua pihak yang menyayangi satu sama lain..
cinta itu melengkapkan dua pihak..
cinta itu bila saat dua pihak bersama tanpa berbuat apa-apa, even bercakap pun..
tapi itulah saat paling bahagia dua pihak tersebut..
cinta itu bila kedua pihak bukan sekadar menyayangi,
tapi saling menghargai keberadaan masing-masing..
bila satu pihak tak ada, satu pihak lagi akan terasa ketiadaannya..
cinta itu bila kata-kata sudah tidak perlu untuk masing-masing mengetahui apa dalam hati masing-masing..

saya beruntung kerana dicintai oleh kuma-chan sehingga akhir hayatnya..
jadi buat masa ni.. saya pulangkan cinta saya kepada Allah Ta'ala..

sesungguhnya Allah Ta'ala jualah yang memiliki saya, hati saya, kuma-chan, dia, dan hati dia..

Tak.. aku tak marah..

marah tu satu perkataan yang kuat...

kadang-kadang aku wonder.. aku pernah ke marah dalam erti sebenarnya?

most of the time aku cuma sakit hati.. terasa hati.. memendam perasaan...

mungkin aku lebih marahkan diri aku kot..

sebab kadang-kadang terlukakan perasaan orang..

tersilap cakap.. tersalah faham...

mungkin juga orang salah faham.. ingatkan aku marah..

walhal pada hakikatnya aku cuma meluahkan frustations..

tak lebih dari itu..

aku minta maaf..

to kill time..

yes! I'm writing this post to kill time..

office hours are done.. and I am not in the mood to do work stuff.. though usually I'll still be going through paperworks and systems testing reports from my team.. but today I'm not!

I'm having a serious case of running nose.. my nose won't stop running unless I lie down and its driving me crazy because I cannot take my nose off!!

I can't go back either because driving at this minute will result in me stuck in the car for over one hour to reach home.. imagine that with a running nose!!

Yesterday was the Ministry's makan-makan raya.. our Department was making rojak buah, and our division was given the task to prepare the pineapples... I've never had the experience to prepare pineapples before so I was really really really looking forward to prep them, I even brought my best kitchen knife and apron the day before.. poyo giller haha~!

Though I readied myself earlier yesterday, my shawl (raya kan? mestila nak pakai baju raya!) caused me some problems and I was still late to the office.. huhh.. memang dewi lambat sungguh laa.. semangat gila sarung apron (baju raya, mind you..) dengan pisau ke hulu ke hilir kat ofis.. hohoho

And so we started peeling the pineapples.. cut both ends, then cut the skin off from top to bottom.. kalau malas buang mata style utara, potong je sampai tak nampak mata.. at first that was the plan.. but seeing the pineapples makin lama makin kurus (mine especially..) I tried buang mata style utara tu.. hihihi.. it was fun, but took time a bit.. we cut up about 15 pineapples yesterday..

Come the makan-makan event, actually I didn't really favour the event despite there were a lot of artis jemputan (Najwa Latif, Hail Amir, Uji Rashid, dan banyak lagi..), it was held in Dataran Gemilang, under the hot sun (the most probable cause I'm feverish today..) and too much people queueing for food and not much place to sit and eat properly.. by the time we got down, some of the food are already finished, all in all dapatlah makan 2 ulas durian (wajib!), char kuey teow, rojak buah.. and I got the last grilled lamb ribs from the Bomba guys (thanks!!) finished it up with a melting chocolate ice cream cone... tapi lamb ribs tu tak makan kat situ pun.. bawa naik sebab nak buruk lantak..

Actually we went up early since we're having a meeting with MD Maran for the launching of one of our projects.. the meeting ended at 6.30 pm.. and I continued with my work for that day till 9.00pm.. when I remembered I have another meeting to attend at JPM the next day (today) and prepared all the documents....

An excuse to not go to the office early in the morning.... :P

Unfortunately I was not prepared to sleep the night.. cause the next morning at 5 a.m I find myself  in front of the TV beside the durian.. (siang malam durian.. tido pun dengan durian.. huhh).. and I was shivering from the cold night... jangan tanyalah tido pukul berapa.. seriously, I don't know how to answer that question, almost every day..

Climbed to the bed and woke up later with a heavy head at 7.30.. yikes! lambat ler masuk meeting...

Memang lambat pun! masuk kereta je the nose start running already... redah jem lagi... cari parking lagi.. adalah lambat 10 minit.. the meeting already commenced when I arrived.. at first tahan lapar je tengok kuih lapis dengan sardine roll atas meja depan mata tu.. in case ada benda nak mencelah.. plus, nobody else were eating at that time.. come 10.00 am tak tahan dah.. already said my part and I just need to have a nice hot tea down my throat.. plus the running nose already consuming my last ration of tissue in my handbag..

Just when I gobbled up the last bite of the sardine roll.. tetiba pengerusi Dato' Seri: Ok, KPKT, how many PBTs are there? how many are using...... nasib baiklah figures tu semua dalam kepala je.. cuma challenge at the moment, is how to say it with my mouth full..

Syukur, I was born with pockets in my cheeks.. so I put all the food in my mouth into the pocket and answered as if I wasn't eating... hahaha! (mesti orang sebelah nampak kembung je pipi... :P)

People always tease me about my cheeks.. they would ask how do I keep my cheeks so round? now I know exactly how to answer...

'Saya simpan kuih dalam pipi saya.. macam-macam ada.. kuih apa nak?'
I keep food in my cheeks.. want some?

Once, when I was doing Umrah in Madinah, an Arab lady stopped in front of me just to pinch my cheeks..after that she was gone.. leaving me like.. what??  boleh??? and I was not a small girl then, I was a fully grown 29 years old adult..

okay.. I think now is quite the right time for me to go back..need to drop a friend at the Putrajaya Sentral before I can get home.. I'm already feverish, hoping to get some rest tonight..

until the next post~!

Recap of 2010 and 2011

I've been writing this post since 2014... but it was so overwhelming.. it took years to complete.. you'll understand.. haha..

For some unknown reasons, I wish to share a full recap of what I have been through for one of the most memorable year of my life..

Well you might wanna take a deep breath..or maybe get some snacks ready by your side (maybe a box of tissue too?) ..cause this will be one hell of a very very very looooong entry.. (macamlah ada orang nak baca entry nih...hahaha) .. but then..I will only share the best that I can remember...my brain has been quite damaged recently.. huhu

I was wondering where should I start from..but I guess everything starts at the beginning kan?

so here goes...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2010

January

I start taking Tae Kwon Do classes on the 8th..wow..starting a martial arts class at 27 years old? haha..its never too late to learn I tell you..and to date..Tae Kwon Do is one of the best things in my life.. :) oh..did I mention my trainer is my best friend? she is Ruhil Farhana.

I started flirting with my best friend's brother...don't ask me why..the feeling just came when I first heard his full name..Azhan Kamil Falah.. at the mention of his name..there's a feeling that my heart was 'hugged'..(boleh ke rasa camni??) well it's the best way I can describe it..Ruhil plak macam ok je..macam la...hahah..selamba je lah kot ehh? He was my trainer too back then..selamba je ngorat cikgu sendiri..haihh

February

Him : Morning sayang
Me : Euww apa syg2 nih..menggegar hati tau
Him : Nape? Hati rasa camne?
Me : I don't wanna fall if there's no one there to catch me..
Him : Don't worry..I'll catch you..
Me : Betul ke ni?
Him : Betul la..ingat I main2 ke?
Me : Ok

and with that we were officially a couple..though ada perselisihan pendapat mengenai tarikh official..I'd say it was 4th..He'd say it was 3rd..so kira 2-2 jelah..ok?

Later I paksa him to come and see my parents...my parents macam ok je..wee~! well..he was charming.. my Kuma-chan~!

March

Excited cause my birthday is on 7th, his on 10th and Ruhil's on 14th... *big smile!*

May

One day..in the car..

Him : Nah urut tangan abang
(bila boring-boring dalam keta tula kejenye..)
Him : Ayang..kalo abg pegi dulu dari ayang..masa abang nak pegi tu..abang nak ayang di sisi abang..
Me : Nape cakap camtu..?
Him : Yela..mana tahu...pastu nanti ayang urut tangan abang camni tau...
Me : Nape?
Him : sebab bila ayang urut tangan abg camni abang rasa tenang sangat..masa abang pegi nanti pun abang nak rasa tenang macam ni.. 
Me : Mmm..yelaa..
Him : Ayang nak makan ape?
Me : Sup perut.
Him : Ayang ni sup perut sup perut..abang nak makan pizza hari ni..jom makan pizza!
Me : Ok (kan senang kalo dari tadi dah wat keputusan..ape daa)

During dinner

Him : Ayang..nanti pas grading kite wat family dinner nak? Leh family abang kenal-kenal dengan family ayang..pastu boleh plan merisik, tunang..
Me : Ok..
Him : Ayang..kite bertunang sebelum bulan puasa nak? Nanti boleh abang gi berbuka dengan 'tunang' abang...hee..
Me : Iye..ayang pun nak gi berbuka dengan 'tunang' ayang juge...hee
(gedik gila...*gelak guling2*)

ok memang kitorg gedik.. ada sekali buat drama sebab nak berpisah kat toilet.. yelah.. Kuma-chan masuk toilet lelaki.. kitorang masuk toilet perempuan...

masing-masing berpandangan...
Him: Ayangggg...
Me: Abangggg..
Ruhil: Hish sudahla korang...garek!!! (sambil tarik atashi masuk toilet..)
HAHAHAHH!!

itu semua sesi lepas stress je tu..

Then came the day...my first grading!!!!! ohh sangat nervous ok...lucky I have both Ruhil and him to comfort me..haha..grading bersama budak-budak kot..of course lah murid tua ni nampak outstanding..

He was excited too..even brought a DSLR camera with him to take picture with the kids..

But then after my grading he came to me..

Him: Ayang..tolong hantar abang balik..abang nak jumpa bapak

He was sweating all over..though the hall was not warm at all and it was night..I was puzzled..at the same time worried..hmmm

I wasn't used to driving a Kancil with no power steering..sangat terkial-kial nak kuar dari dewan tu ok...

Him : Ayang..bila kte nak sampai umah ni??

sempat lagi bising-bising.....

When we reach home..bapak gave him meds..but he kept telling me it felt like being stabbed in the heart..he lay down on the floor and insisted I stayed with him..until Ruhil came back..and bapak sent me home later..

I can't sleep that night..the next day I was supposed to be going for my office Perhentian trip..and I haven't pack a thing..but end up I did not pack anything at all..I'm just not feeling up to it..

When morning came I contacted Ruhil..and was told he was admitted to the hospital...tried my best to be calm and went to the hospital and informed my parents..guess what..they went to the hospital at 3 a.m and was only admitted to the ward at 7 a.m! and all the nurses that attended to him were trainees..hence the bruises on his hands which he tried to tuck away when I came so I won't see those bruises (tapi nampak jugakk) ..until my mom came and pushed them away..she attended to him herself..(terima kasih banyak mak..)

he grabbed my hand when he saw me came..and asked..'kenapa ayang datang? kan ayang nak gi Perhentian?' ohh my sayang..how could I go to Perhentian while you are in the hospital??

In the afternoon..he was admitted to the Cardiac Care Unit (CCU)..my mom were one of the nurse that followed the transfer and took care of him during the transfer..(again..terima kasih banyak mak.. I can never repay you)..

He was in the CCU for a couple of days.. The last moment with him when he was conscious, it was Saturday afternoon, somehow I can't seem to move my feet to leave.. it was then when he made this gesture.. (macam dalam iklan Safi Balqis gitu..haha) .. I had a really tough time holding my tears...

That night, we received news that he was unconscious, due to water in his lungs.. we got to the hospital as soon as we can.. Me and Ruhil take turns going inside.. I could only offer her my lap to sleep on the cold hard plastic chairs outside the ward.. we didn't bring anything much with us.. I know.. if this is hard for me.. I can't even imagine how much harder it is for her.. Kuma-chan is her closest brother.. they were always together, everywhere..

He remained unconscious the next day till he passed away.. I remembered gazing in the moon, while waiting outside the CCU, wondering what would happen next? a soft whisper came.. telling me.. 'it's okay, let him go... '

Soon after, there was hustle and bustle.. his bed was right in front of the door.. I peeked in and saw his curtains were closed.. I don't know what to think.. hanya mendoakan yang terbaik untuk dia.. tak lama.. one of the nurses came out and look at the clock... it was 9.32pm.. Saturday, 29th May 2010..

Standing in front of the door.. it felt like a thousand-storey building collapsed inside of me.. tears streaming down like it will never end.. Ruhil? don't ask.. it was the most heart wrenching scene for me.. and yet, she pulled herself together and arranged everything she could.. shaking and trembling, I called up my parents.. a few friends I consider close.. and out of the blue I called a very dear old friend..

It was his words that gave strength to me that night.. because he said 'I know you Nisya.. you are a very strong person.. you can go through this..' Thank you, dear.

When I held his hands for the last time, they were still warm.. he looks like he was going to wake up any time.. but I know he never will.. I packed all his things, and took the t-shirt he last wore... it was the Kinabalu T-shirt that I unintentionally gave him before (asalnya beli untuk pakcik guard sebab selalu teman kat ofis sampai malam.. tapi terbeli saiz besar (kuma-chan pun agak besar orangnye..) dan pakcik tu pun tak gemar pakai t-shirt... tak tahu nak bagi sapa, bagi kat kuma-chan jelah time tu) but he was so happy receiving that t-shirt..sedang elok pulak tu ngam dengan dia.. tak sangka dan terharu sangat sebab orang appreciate gift kita.. huhu.. (ok macam buruk siku pulak amik balik kan... whatever..)

Then we went back to their house.. tolong kemas.. dan tunggu sampai jenazah datang.. Mama siap letak songket kat kepala katil.. katanya nak bagi Kuma-chan pakai samping songket tu masa nikah nanti.. luluh hati lagi time tu...*sobs*

I only went back home early in the morning to shower, pinjam jubah mak, and came back to their house.. hari ni mandikan jenazah, masa dikafankan, I took a last long look at him.. masih handsome.. dah mati pun handsome (bak kata Ruhil).. aih Kuma-chan.. beliau memang smart orangnya.. I'm always the sloppy one.. tapi tak dapat ikut gi solat jenazah, I was told.. ramai yang datang solatkan dia.. Alhamdulillah.. I went straight to the Tanah Perkuburan Islam dekat Gua Kek Look Tong tu..

There he will rest, sehinggalah kita semua dibangkitkan semula di padang mahsyar.. May you rest in peace, love..

I spend the night with Ruhil.. we ended up sleeping with tears.. and waking up with tears.. no more morning SMSes.. no more midnight calls.. it felt so lonely... for me..

I called my office, and asked for leave, for the whole week.. I'm grateful that my superior was a very understanding person.. (thank you Dato' R..) .. tapi yelah.. seminggu tido dalam air mata je.. tido dengan mak.. bangun pun air mata.. bila mak masuk kerja hari Isnin tu, balik kerja mak pun nangis jugak.. sebab orang bertanya.. huhu..

Kuma-chan will always be a part of me.. with a special place in my heart..

June

Not much happened.. still coping with my loss.. I had a dream about him.. in his dream, he told me not to cry... which I can't really do much, till today..

but the best part is, Dayah datang rumah, and spent a few days with me.. sangat terharu.. terima kasih Dayah!

July

First joined Karnival Wajadiri Sukan Taekwondo RSB as a helper.. but everyone was still feeling the lost of Kuma-chan.. usually he's the spirit of the team.. everybody loved him..

in our plans, we were supposed to get engaged during this month too, right before Ramadan.. but Allah loved him more..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2011

January

Kereta tersangkut kat parking SUK.. hahaha~! why? sebab tayar depan belah kiri masuk longkang.. terpaksa angkat kereta tu.. huhuhu... terima kasih kepada semua yang membantu... padan muka kat diri sendiri suka sangat nak drift masuk parking kan... amik ubat!

Yellow 2 Belt grading to Green Belt yeay! masa grading dengan arwah dulu dapat kuning 2 terus.. murid tua lah katakan..

February

I fractured my left foot on the 5th metatarsal.. and got MC for almost 2 months!! keras dok rumah... hahaha...

Ceritanya, berjalan-jalan di Kedah, konon nak menikmati dinner kat Tanjong Dawai sambil melihat sunset.. selama ni ingatkan sunset tu lama.. tapi sebenarnya kejap sangat! We spent the night at my sister's place.. disebabkan terlalu letih.. I literally pengsan with my jeans.. talk about unprepared sleep.. that's just me.. basically I can just fall asleep anywhere and any condition.. but I do suffer the consequences when I woke up after.. Woke up in the middle of the night, nature's call.. but I can't feel my foot and I fell face down.. it was a hassle to get back up since I can't feel my feet.. so I just continued sleeping on the floor.. (tak senonoh betul pompuan nih).. but I woke up eventually cause I remembered my sister telling me about rats and the cockroach issues at her place..

Only the next morning, I felt the sharp pain on my left foot pinky toe.. I assumed it twisted my foot during the fall that night.. It was throbbing with pain.. so I told my mom and she massaged my foot with cooking oil mixed with garlic.. (nasib baik tak kena goreng..) then gi jalan-jalan kat SP Mall.. sakitnya MasyaAllah... terpaksa mintak ais kat McD sebab nak tuam kaki yang dah bengkak tu... tapi round habis jugak shopping mall tu.. that afternoon we went back to Ipoh...

The next morning.. it was Monday! as usual, I'm late for work.. but my foot was still aching though.. so I was thinking..... maybe I can go see a doctor.. get MC, and take the day off yay! so I asked my dad to take me to the hospital and see my mom.. she asked a doctor to have a look at my foot.. at first, the doctor wasn't looking at my foot.. he was looking at my calf.. and said.. eh, bengkaknya! well my calf is chubby dan mungkin jugak Dr. tu tak nampak sangat kaki comel yang bengkak tu.. yes I have a small foot.. I wear a size 4 shoe.

Me: Dr. tengok apa tu? kaki saya yang sakit.. bukan betis..
Dr.: Oh yeke.. sori-sori..

actually my foot was turning a bit bluish and tender.. so the Dr ordered for an x-ray...

so I limped to the Radiography Department at the hospital.. which is like a few blocks away from my mom's ward... and get the X-ray, wait for it.. get the film.. but I didn't even think of looking at the x-ray results, nor did the technician said anything about my foot... so I called up my mom.. and limped back towards my mom's ward... my mom met me in the middle of the way and immediately ask for the x-ray film and look at it..

Mom: Eh, ni nampak macam retak ni!
Me: Erk.. yeke?? Camne ni? kita kat tengah jalan ni.. nak jalan ke?? eh.. saya boleh jalan ke??
Mom: hmmmmm... Jalan jelah.. mana nak cari wheelchair kat sini..

Yup.. kami kat tengah jalan... and I continued to limp to my mom's ward.. my mom looked for a wheelchair and put me in a corner while she confirmed the x-ray result with her doctor.. then she wheeled me to the Orthopaedics... more waiting.. and finally the MO confirms the fracture on my fifth metatarsal.. it was fractured halfway through.. since I was allergic to POP ( I broke my arm when I was 6 years old.. and was put on with POP, end up scratching all the time..) I was patched up with fibreglass.. macam kaki itik!! see the puffy toes?

while they were patching me up, I was told if I continued to walk, the metatarsal might be fractured through..which could be worse... so lucky I came to the hospital? and I got the medical leave I wished for.. amik ubat!

March

My Birthday! Yuyil's Birthday!! His too...

And I made a terrible mistake dropping the live database working from home.. nasib baik tengah malam hoi! luckily help was online..phew! managed to restore the database before business resume the next day!

all the while, I work from home, my assistants will forward me email and issues they can't settle, or called me up for remote troubleshooting, so my medical leave is not so much rest, only my foot need the rest and yet my foot can do nothing by the way.. its already strapped..

and my medical leave was prolonged another two weeks..

April

the long medical leave finally ended.. but I was not fully discharged yet, still have to attend physiotherapy.. needed to learn to walk properly again, since I have been using crutches.. but most of the time I went go around the house jumping on my right.. ah, the stairs...

having another tae kwon do grading again! though I wasn't fully recovered, menggeletis nak grading.. huhhh.. this time naik Green 2 pulak.. but I skipped all the kicks with the left foot anchor.. Master takut cedera balik sebab kaki baru baik... huhu..

May

But it wasn't all well for Ruhil.. after almost a year losing her brother.. bapak pun pergi juga... 3rd May 2011..

it was a hard time especially for her.. and I'm afraid I was not quite a friend I should be at that moment.. please forgive me, dear...

June

finally discharged from physiotherapy.. woo hoo!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

and I can't remember what happened the rest of the year... well a lot must have happened... but its not as significant... :)

Al-Fatihah

---------

Azhan Kamil Falah Bin Mat Arshad

(10.03.1981 - 29.05.2010)

& Bapak, Mat Arshad Bin Yusuf

(Kembali ke rahmatullah pada 03.05.2011) 

there... enough for 2010 and 2011... I have stories to share from back in 2012 onwards.. but I'll take my time writing that...

until the next post!

Afraid

I was too afraid to let you know
I was there for you

I was too afraid to look for you
because I'm afraid I won't get to see you..

I was too afraid to talk to you..
because I'm afraid you won't talk to me..

What's going on in your mind?
What's going on in your life?
I want to know..
But I am too afraid to know..

good web hosting provider?

since i'm now embarking on a new journey into the online world..well..it's quite a big leap..and its a big dream..for me..so i would like to start with a good web hosting..for my soon-to-be 'side income'..haha..it sounds really daunting..but i will do my best..to at least get myself a caldina..hehe [dreams..dreams..dreams..]

there are a lot of webhosting nowadays..too many to be frank..even i had quite a hard time choosing what's best for me..after putting a lot of thoughts..well for me..as a slightly-advanced-intermediate-webbie [web designing-or-the-likes newbie]..there are a few points i want to consider..and i'm sharing them with you..here..

oh..by the way i'm talking about a paid web hosting..not the free ones..why?

• free web hosting providers may and can put advertisements on your website, it's their source of income, and since you're using their service for free, they will put advertisements on your website so you can continue hosting with them for free..it's like a win-win situation la..sort of..got it?
• although free web hosting providers offers a variety of temptalicious web designs using their personal web site builder tool, it may be just that..it's good for beginners..but as i said before..i'm a slightly-advanced-intermediate-webbie..so i'll need more..more flexibility in the web designs..cause i might want to expand it..or customize it to the details of a pixel [i'm hard to please]
• bandwith..now this is one big issue with some free web hosting provider..ever tried accessing a website only to get a message saying 'This Site Has Exceeded Its Daily Bandwith Limit, Please Check Back Tomorrow'? it really frustrates me..especially when i came back the next day only to get the same message..again! i believe you understand that..next!
• hosting space..hurmm..actually its not quite a deal..but still its a deal..you'll need space to put pictures..or videos..if you have them..and in my case..i need space for autoresponder emails..well..this one is up to you..

well..i think that's that for free web hosting..on to the paid ones..
after digging for some info on the web with incik Google..the following are my consideration for choosing a paid web hosting provider..mind you..this is entirely my way of consideration..:

1. Uptime Guarantee - i want my site to be available on the web 24/7 [eventhough its not that updated] so i will look at the uptime guarantee claimed..it is recommended to look for the minimum 99% uptime..however even 99% is too low..it should be 99.5% or higher..usually the uptime guarantee is displayed on the homepage of the hosting provider..look for it..hard
   
2. Traffic/Bandwith - this is actually the maximum amount of data transfered from my site to visitors when they visit my website..you see..everytime a visitor visits your website, they will be downloading all the files of your website into a temporary storage on their computer so it can be displayed on their web browser..so the bandwith limit actually defines how much visitors you can have for the day..based on how big the files are on your website too..so if you're planning to have a website that host files..you'll have to get a hosting that offers a higher bandwith limit..for me..30GB-50GB per month wud be just nice..
3. Hosting Platform - usually providers provide two types of platforms, Windows or Linux..if you want to use PHP and MySQL better go for Linux platform..however if you are planning on using ASP or whatever that is .NET..pick the Windows platform hosting..also take note of the services and tools provided, such as databases (MySQL, MSSQL, etc)..if you wish to use CMS like Joomla or Drupal or others..you must choose a hosting that provides database..
4. File Management - i want the management of my web files to be as easy as possible..FTP access would be good so i can manage my files even more efficiently..
   
5. Technical Support - if anything happens to my site..i'd look for them..so i would want a provider that could give me support 24/7..[wah..bunyik macam serius jek!]
6. Hosting Space - hmm..normally websites files does not exceed 1GB..but if i get more space for a good price..why not? i could use it to store other stuff i might want to share somewhere else on the web..
   

hmmm..so basically that's that..i don't want to make it too technical..coz i'll be dazed trying to write all those techie stuf..its a stuff that i can only understand in my head..not in writing..feel free to comment if you think i should consider more points..i'd appreciate it much!

for your information, i got my inspiration from the following links..
http://webhostinggeeks.com/articles/How_to_Choose_the_Best_Web_Hosting_Service.html
http://www.thesitewizard.com/archive/findhost.shtml

thanx!

it fits me !

huhuhu..somehow this song fits me..

enjoy!

The Show - Lenka

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone..I've tried
And I don't know why..

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop!
Cause it's too much, yeah, its a LOT to be something I'm NOT
I'm just a fool out of of love
Cause I just can't get enough..

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone..I've tried
And I don't know why..

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down..I know..
I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show..

The sun is hot, in the sky
Just like a giant spotlight..
The people follow the signs and synchronize in time
It's a joke nobody knows
They've got a ticket to the show

Yeah, I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone..I've tried
And I don't know why..

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down..I know..
I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show..

Just enjoy the show, just enjoy the show..

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze, love is a riddle
I don't know where to go
Can't do it alone..I've tried
And I don't know why..

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down..I know..
I've got to let it go and just enjoy the show..

dum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show..

dudum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show..

I want my money back,
I want my money back,
I want my money back..

Just enjoy the show..


I want my money back,
I want my money back,
I want my money back..

Just enjoy the show..


huhu..its all about the show..a really nice song..and comforting one for me..

'handmade' video clip?

i love this videoclip..looks like its handmade..huhu..but i can't embed it here..please do watch it!



Lenka - The Show

.hope.

I'll be your crying shoulder,
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older,
I'll be the greatest fan of your life.

The greatest fan of your life.
...greatest fan of your life.

batik..

after being nagged by oka-chan to get out of my fortress to have lunch at the Tasik Raban Restaurant..
we went to the stadium to see what the 1Malaysia exhibit has to offer..
it was a hot day..and almost nothing interest me..
which makes me want to return to my fortress even more..
then we went into the building..
there were batik drawing exhibition..
i've been longing to at least colour a batik painting myself..
a bit hesitant at first..but oto-chan said..
"kamu nak buat..buatla..abah bayarkan.."
sedikit sayu di situ..
mungkin oto-chan tahu hati atashi yang remuk redam ni..
well..i did forced myself to approach the sister at the stall..
and got myself this..
it took me a while..to get used to the brushes..
and oka-chan was complaining over the colours i chose..
nevermind that..
i was just following my heart..
oto-chan was very patient..waiting for me..
i coloured till the stall closes for lunch..
they asked me to leave the painting there to dry..
oto-chan said "takpe..kite minum dulu.."..
we had chendol at the nearby stalls..
then i picked up the painting..
played with some antique stuff on display..
the antique cash register machine caught my attention for a few minutes..
and back at home..is the finished product..
somehow..it looked unfinished..
incomplete like me..
though i like the outcome..
but nothing in the world is perfect..
thank you oto-chan..for this lovely painting..

to me..and to you...

Since I've been watching reruns of Meitantei Conan recently..i caught this song..thou the translation is a bit strange..i'd like to dedicate it to the lovely grass..and myself..
please note that the song is in Japanese..[obviously..huhu]..the English translation is in italics..

kimi to boku to ha betsu no ikimono dakara
konomi ga chigau aruku hayasa mo omoi no tsutae kata mo

you and I are two different creatures, therefore
the things we like, how fast we walk, and the way we think

iroaseteyuki
futari no kioku no naka ima bokura ha
tesaguri dakedo
hoka no dareka wo mirai wo sagashite yuku

are different
everything fades,
and now, within our memories
we are searching for a new future

omou yori tsuyoku ikite
tokubetsu na ai motometeru
shitatakana hibi ni nayandari

rather than thinking, you should live strongly
and search for a special person to love
don't worry for a sound life...

mou nido do mayowanai you ni
so no ude wo hanasanaide
kizutsuke au sono toki mo

never again will I be lost
don't let go of my hand
or hurt me this time

tada zutto kotae wo sagashite
mayoi konda toki no naka de
tsugi no basho he you take your way

just simply search for the answers
in this time so filled with hesitation
to the place that follows, You take your way...

me ni utsuru mono
te ni furetari kanjiru mono
sore ga bokura no sekai no subete
donna ni yume wo mite mo

that which appears in your eyes
that which you can touch and feel
those are the things that everyone
in our world dreams about

osanaki hibi no
ryoute ni afureteita chisana a pebble
dare ni mo mienai
takara no you ni kagayaita toki no naka de

in the days of our youth
our hands overflowed with those tiny pebbles
like the treasures that are invisible
within people when they shine

ki ga tsukeba motometeite
onnaji janai ai surechagau
katachi no nai mono ni kogarete
true heart for mystery eyes

if you happen realize while you are searching
that love changes as it passes you by
and you long for something you cannot touch
True Heart for Mystery Eyes

umi no mieru machi he yukou yo
kimi dake ni meta ano hi wo
sasoidashite tsuretkite

let's go to a town where we can look at the sea
but you were all I could see that day
when I took you there...

dokomade mo hirogaru sora no
subete ha mou mienai keredo
tsugi no basho he you take your way

but even so, we will never be able to see
to the end of where the endless sky will spread her wings
to the place that follows You take your way...

dakishimete
I'd like to be in your love

hold me
I'd like to be in your love

mou nido to mayowanai you ni
sono ude wo hanasanai de
kizutsuke au sono toki mo

never again will I be lost
don't let go of my hand
or hurt me this time

tada zutto kotae wo sagashite
mayoi konda toki no naka de
tsugi no basho he you take your way

just simply search for the answers
in this time so filled with hesitation
to the place that follows, You take your way...

mitsuyakani
kurikaeshiteyuki
mayoi no naka
I feel so all in secret life

silently
let's say it again
as we both waver
I feel so all in secret life...

i'm dropping it..

yup..i'm dropping my masters..

i am running out of time..my project is not even halfway done..
and i can't focus either..since 2008 to be exact..aiyyaaa

all the things that happens to me lately really got me shaken..
this is one thing i'm doing to help myself..
really big help from headaches and financially..
i can't go on with my studies..
and i hope..
this is one thing i can do to close the gap between us..

i've been contemplating long enough..
i should do it now..

abah and mak..
please forgive me..
i can't continue studying anymore..
i don't want to lose...that grass...

thinking of it..what are the differences having Master's Degree make?
a higher salary?
we can make money from other source if we want to..kan?
and the more i think of it..
being in IT stream..your education level does not matter..
what matters is your IT skills..
even if i have a Master's Degree..
but i don't know a single thing about basic IT mechanics..
it won't make me a good IT person at all..
and people would say like..
"duhhh..nama je ade Master..tapi basic haram tatau.."
make sense kan?
well..that's what i got from my grey noodles..
i might as well go for professional certification like CCNA CCNP or whatever..
that is more recognised in the IT world..

atashi and the lovely grass

huhu..lovely grass eh..
unfortunately all the lovely grass i have will eventually dissappear from me..
was it because i didn't hold them tight enuff?
or was it because i hold them too tight until they withered and die in my hands?
love comes..love goes..
but it hurts most when i don't know whether i can find the same lovely grass again..
but every grass is different..
i should have known..
should i stay..or should i go..
if i go..will i find a grass that will show me the way to the light like the last one?
i'm not perfect..i lack everything..
yet i don't want to stay in the dark..
still wondering..still hoping..

dear grass..could you stay and show me they way to the light?
if you don't..i understand..
i'm not perfect..for a lovely grass like you..

this broken heart..i don't know when will it mend..
huhh..when it happens..i wish i could just disappear..
*poof!* into the thin air..but life is not as simple as that..
nowhere to go..nowhere to turn to..nowhere to hide..
longing for nothing but for another half..
desperate kah? no..its just me..
i care not for wealth..i care not for the world..
ape nak jadi..jadila..
its just the uncomplete me..

Majlis Jamuan Aidilfitri

My family will be organizing a makan-makan event this coming Saturday, 3rd Octover 2009 (14 Syawal 1430H)..I would like to invite all of you who are reading this post to my house as per invitation below..well..its my parent's house..

Salam Syawal 1430H

I hope its not too late..
Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri..
Maaf Zahir & Batin..

please do forgive my mistakes..my extremeness..my everything..

to be frank..I am so not in the mood for writing for the past few months..hope that explains it..

Kisah Rumput dan Sayang

Since blog ni dah lama tak update..ala-ala usang gitu..wahaha..kasi fresh sket..tapi takla fresh sangat..

Hari ni atashi berminat nak share dengan anata-tachi pasal kisah ni..it was from my old blog..for me..citer ni sangat relevan dengan cinta dan kasih sayang..

dan jugak didedikasikan kepada orang yang merimaskan atashi..trimas bebanyak..sila amek iktibar citer ni ye...

Pada suatu pagi di satu sekolah menengah, ada seorang pelajar bertanya pada seorang guru yang sedang mengajar. Ketika itu, guru tersebut sedang menyentuh mengenai kasih dan sayang secara am. Dialog di antara pelajar dan guru tersebut berbunyi begini :

Pelajar : Cikgu, macam mana kita nak pilih seseorang yang terbaik sebagai orang paling kita sayang? Macam mana juga kasih sayang itu nak berkekalan?

Cikgu : Oh, awak nak tahu ke?Emmm...baiklah, sekarang kamu buat apa yang saya suruh. Ikut je ye...mungkin kamu akan dapat apa jawapannya.

Pelajar : Baiklah...apa yang saya harus buat?

Cikgu : Kamu pergi ke padang sekolah yang berada di luar kelas sekarang juga. Kamu berjalan di atas rumput disitu dan sambil memandang rumput didepan kamu, pilih mana yang PALING cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi walaupun sekali. Dan kamu petiklah rumput yang PALING cantik yang beradadi depan kamu tersebut dan selepas itubawa balik ke kelas.

Pelajar : Ok. Saya pergi sekarang dan buat apa yang cikgu suruh.

Apabila pelajar tersebut balik semula ke kelas, tiada pun rumput yang berada di tangannya. Maka cikgu pun bertanya kepada pelajar tersebut.

Cikgu : Mana rumput yang cikgu suruh petik?

Pelajar : Oh, tadi saya berjalan diatas rumput dan sambil memandang rumput yang berada di situ, saya carilah rumput yang paling cantik.Memang ada banyak yang cantik tapi cikgu kata petik yang paling cantik maka saya pun terus berjalan ke depans ambil mencari yang paling cantik tanpa menoleh ke belakang lagi. Tapi sampai di penghujung padang , saya takjumpa pun yang paling cantik. Mungkin ada di antara yang di belakang saya sebelum itu tapi dah cikgu cakap tak boleh menoleh ke belakang semula, jadi tiadalah rumput yang saya boleh petik.

Cikgu : Ya, itulah jawapannya. Maknanya, apabila kita telah berjumpa dengan seseorang yang kita sayang, janganlah kita hendak mencari lagi yang lebih baik daripada itu. Kita patut hargai orang yang berada didepan kita sebaik-baiknya. Janganlahkita menoleh ke belakang lagi kerana yang berlaku tetap dah berlaku. Dan semoga yang berlalu tidak lagi berulang. Jika kita berselisih faham dengan orang yang kita sayang itu, kita boleh perbetulkan keadaan dan cuba teruskan perhubungan tersebut walaupun banyak perkara yang menggugat perhubungan tersebut. Dan ingatlah orang yang kita sayang itulah kita jumpa paling cantik dan paling baik pada MULAnya walaupun nak ikutkan banyak lagi yang cantik dan baik seperti rumput tadi. KECUALILAH jika perhubungan tersebut tak boleh diselamatkan lagi, maka barulah kita mulakan sekali lagi. Maka sayangilah orang yang berada di depan kita dengan tulus dan ikhlas.



SO..ade pape bantahan??

Objection overruled! haha..
snarnye dah ngantuk..

oyasumi minna~